April 7, 1998

Looking Back

there can be no regret

giving up what makes Him unhappy

how silly I have been all these years

assuming that relinquishing

meant despondency

rather than the final removal

of a barrier to life

and the love of Him who loves me best

and furthermore

that the longing dies

if one truly longs for Him

It therefore appears that I do not love

the Lover sufficiently to give up the

rubbish in my life that I enjoy so well.

This is very loosly based on Chapter 26 of

Alexander Dumas' "The Three Musketeers",

"Aramis and His Thesis", and the discussion

of Aramis, d'Artagnan, a Jesuit and a curate.