April 1989

my Lord! why?

why do I suffer now

as none has right to suffer

why do these ghosts persist

their tormenting of my heart

I am alive Lord

I am young

my days should be filled with joy

yet the joy I have is fleeting

torn from my grasp like water

frantically clutched at in thirst

I feel there is no right

for me to feel this pain

its cause should not have been

yet it was

its memory lingers

its dark vines clutch at my soul

strangling life

that struggles desperately to live

I cannot escape at all

the grief

the pain

the sadness

it lurks about

a hidden but proven foe

dear God

why am I so small

as to let these demons live

help me

oh please God, help me

reclaim for me my life